May The Force Be With You

“For a wound to completely heal,
You have to stop touching it.”

Lately, I have made a point to read a lot of ‘self-discovery’ books. For what I think has been a long spell of doubts, insecurities, depression and uninvited solitude I think this proved to be a major change in the monotony that was slowly engulfing me.

I tried several ways to abate everything trying to make me bitter towards life. I tried talking about it but every time I did, I always felt misunderstood. Almost like no one was getting what I was trying to say or worst of all, no one seemed very interested to listen. It’s not their fault, really.

There are many things, broadly speaking, that contribute to this feeling of abandonment. Work, stress, doubts, heartbreak, someone else you think is better off than you and many more.

I don’t quite know how it happened, but right in the middle of this spell of intense grief and guilt I had a sense of self-actualization.

Like some divine light had befallen me and made me see the truly confident and exuberant self that I once was. And I felt that in this course of leaving everything behind, I left her as well. People abruptly ask me on phone calls, “You sound very different. Is something wrong?”

I summon up the courage to narrate, but fall short of the right words.

“What? I don’t think so!” is what I usually come up with.

How do you explain people what’s wrong when you’re trying to understand that yourself? The answer is, you don’t. There’s no point. You pick yourself up, even when your legs shake and you shiver with cold and you’re short of breath, you look straight ahead and you walk. That’s what you do. How do you intend to surf if you don’t plan to enter the water?

I began reading with ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. This book was the perfect start. If it taught me one thing, it was to never lose faith in yourself. Be kind, be humble and don’t be your worst critic. Be patient with everything around you, especially you. Patience. Because it took Elizabeth two years of intense traveling and meditation to regain her lost sense of self-esteem. It didn’t happen overnight.

It is mostly when we’re on the brink of catastrophe when we either open our eyes and begin to construct the path we’re deemed to travel or we take a step back and prefer to lull in the protection of the happy past. The latter contributing little to our future.

So I made a point not do that to myself. I sought to love myself enough to not be fair to who I am. Gain strength by reading books of people who broke the walls and marched through life as indomitable as they could ever get. I decided to change my perspective and open up to whatever changes happening around me. As they sure are leading me somewhere I am still very unwise to see.

Am I afraid? Yes.
Do I still have doubts? Absolutely.
Do I have a plan? I’m working on it.

I guess up until now I considered myself cherished enough to not have to go through the various downfalls in life. Guess what? It happens to everybody.

If there’s anyone reading this who might be going through a hard time, I hope you’re able to find the hope you’ve been looking for.  All it takes is a seed to fall on the ground, once it does, all the forces start conspiring to help it grow into a prolific tree.

So go ahead, fall. Fall and allow the forces to guide you towards the path you’re meant to travel.

Love always,
This blogger.

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10 thoughts on “May The Force Be With You

  1. I absolutely adore the opening quote! It’s so true, yet so hard to actually do. I find myself rethinking, and analysing certain obstacles in my life, when all I really need to do, is just leave them for a bit. Leave them, and let them ‘heal’ – so I can finally move on! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t tell you how much I relate to what you wrote. I’ve been accused of over-thinking almost everything in life. And too much brooding leads to sadness, that’s a proven fact.
      I understand how tough it is to imply all this in life.

      I’ll tell you something, I posted this last night, right? Guess what? Something happened today that I cried in my bed two hours straight. Trying to hide my sobs in my pillow, and then I fell asleep. And I’ve woken up just now and my head is so heavy and I feel dizzy. See? I wrote a self-motivation post not even 24 hours back and I broke down already.

      But I’ll go and drink some water and fix myself up. Stay strong, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Unfortunately it’s quite hard to not overthink things. You tend to wonder, ‘oh why didn’t I do this?’ or ‘why didn’t I do that?’ but in reality, it’s just life’s way of letting you know you can learn from those mistakes, or misfortunes. Sure, somethings didn’t go perfectly right, at that exact time, however, you can learn from what went wrong, so the next time, it does go right. Unfortunately it’s just a pain when you’re in the moment, and your brain has these intense feelings, and emotions.

        There’s nothing wrong with having a good old cry either, sometimes we need it. Sometimes that’s all you can do! Sometimes the pressure and stresses of life can just mount up, and you feel as if it’s weighing you down, and the only thing you feel like doing is crying, and that’s fine. It’s just trying to find ways to get out of the situations that make you feel like crying, so you can then feel happier. Easier said than done, I know.

        This won’t even be an overnight thing. You can’t just magic your way to feeling ‘happier’, although I wish you could! You have to gradually change your life, in small steps, to make you feel better. I was there, sometimes I still am. You get the good days and the bad, but whereas before I used to have more bad days than good, it’s now switched around.
        I recommend trying different things, cooking, drawing, more writing, learning something. Something to keep your mind active so it doesn’t overthink on things, that’s what helped me.

        I hope your day gets better, and that you start feeling happier soon, and if you ever want to vent or chat, please feel free to email me!

        Take care!

        P.S sorry about the essay!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Don’t be sorry at all! It’s so apt and on point. You see that’s exactly why I’ve gotten into rigorous reading these days.
          Not that I wasn’t a bookworm before but now I’ve changed my genre just to experiment more.
          Thank you for those wishes. 🙂 You take good care too.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Once again, another great post. I love how you are taking the advice and wisdom of others and applying it to yourself, finding your own solutions. Wishing you find that path when it is time. I am still finding mine though being here, and writing and taking photographs is clearly one part of the path I am meant to be on. There is more I can and should be doing but I will get there. Reading words like this helps. So thanks, and love to you

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for the solidarity Robert. You don’t know how much it means to me.
      I still don’t know how or why this idea of reading self empowerment books struck me. I guess it was when I was strolling through the library trying to find a good book and my eyes somehow stopped on ‘Eat, Pray, Love.’ I’d already heard a lot about this book so I thought to myself, “Hey ..why not?”

      Thank you so much. I hope you find what you’re seeking in your wonderful photography.

      Like

      • Thank you. I’m glad you found that book if you feel like it is empowering you right now. The photography and writing is getting me there. I need more (and I am still searching for what that is) but I am very glad to at least have this.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Fall as you may, I’ll be here for you bud. Talk to me anytime 😉
    But remember, as much as we love the force though, the force failed to save Qui-Gon Jinn that day. Damn it Lucas- I died a little inside that day. Damn this father of Star Wars.

    Your pal,
    David Long

    Liked by 1 person

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