Show it like you mean it!

A couple of weeks back, I happened to attend this seminar on Body Language and its affects on our surroundings. It was undoubtedly pretty informative, like that lady said, non verbal communication is far more important than verbal.
She claimed, that sometimes what you speak doesn’t have any potential impact on people if they don’t get the right aura from you.
Your posture, gestures, eyes contact etc. etc.

Although, during her session I was also having a separate conference in my own mind on a round table with my various thoughts sitting across, facing each other, in grave seriousness and they were all initially skeptical of her claims.

Which means, I think sometimes, if you can master the art of using the right words, you do not need to rely on actions. If what you only need is to get your job done because of course if you groan and yell ‘I love you’ with froth bubbling in your mouth and bloodshot eyes, the listener would probably call the police rather than loving you back.

Anyway, apart from this, she talked about hugs. Yep. The most awkward gesture ever invented in the entire human history. I’m telling my personal opinion, I find hugs massively awkward and I’m almost terrified of them. I don’t even know why. It’s more like an innate thing. I mean of course if someone offers me a hug I graciously accept it and give it back. But I always thought they were unnecessary, like do you really need to rub your body with someone else’s body to feel fulfilled?

My friends grow really resentful when I justify myself. But they also kinda feel sorry for me, especially the ones with a boyfriend. They say it’s one of the most ‘re-assuring’ feelings. And then I start feeling sorry for myself too.

And the ‘God of Questions’ rises again with a notepad and asks,
“What if it really is a coveted comfort and somehow because you’re so cold, you’re deprived of it?”

“Go away ..stupid God of Questions.” I shrug.

It’s true. I have never experienced that ‘warm, fuzzy, protective, secure and loving feeling’ people claim they get when they hug. Maybe because I haven’t yet stood at the airport with tears sliding down my cheeks to bid farewell to my boyfriend who’s going abroad for studies/job and even though our destiny is tied together I still miss every inch of him and then everything goes into slow motion as we give ‘THE HUG.’
*sigh*

BUT, coming back to the point, she (the seminar lady) gave some fine points to prove the powers of a hug. (She must really love to hug.)

First, she said,
“Have you ever noticed how a baby, when he’s restless and anxious after getting into his mother or father’s arms, eventually stops crying? How he suddenly feels protected? Warm? At ease? Comforted?”
(Seriously, a baby knows better than me.)

Second, she says that sometimes when we see someone sitting cross armed, it signifies:
1) They’re either not open to any kind of conversation or arguments.
2) They’re insecure. Depending on the situation. That’s why that crossing of hands is a sort of hug for themselves, to feel protected. They don’t realise this, of course.

Now this rung a bell in me. Very interesting thought. I still wondered how completely aghast she would be if I told her my opinions about hugs. I can imagine her pinning me under her arms and yelling,
“Feel it! Feel it you foolish girl! Feel the love!”

Even though I still haven’t been completely able to be comfortable around this idea, I’ll try and dig a little more into this. See if it really works. See if I’m mentally handicapped to understand such high levels of emotion. Or I’m just not designed that way.

Meanwhile, has anyone had that ‘another world’ experience while hugging here? Let me know!

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21 thoughts on “Show it like you mean it!

  1. Ahha…I can comment with experience here! To me, hug seems to be a sign of solidarity, that you are not alone and I am there with you. The warm fuzzy feeling….honestly, I get that by hugging big labradors and St. Bernards, somehow they never refuse a hug and take it very sportingly :p Jokes apart, I ll agree to the lady in the speech that a hug does make you feel better πŸ™‚ Go ahead, try it out, but be advised, both parties should do it out of love, not courtesy, then only it works πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought I was the only one who found hugs to be a completely irrational, unnecessary human gesture…what do you even do in those? I inadvertently start patting their back and saying ‘there there’ even if it was a greeting-hug. But about two people in this world I’m okay with hugging. As okay as I get anyway–I still don’t initiate the hug (like, ew :P) But I don’t mind it when they want to hug.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If we ever meet and I introduce you to my small bunch of babbling baboons whom I call my ‘friends’ you’d be surprised at how all of them find hugs awkward. Haha! There are more of us honey.

      I remember in 10th grade when I got my first hug from this new friend I made, because up until 9th grade I had my childhood friends and none of them are inclined towards a hug, yeah so she came forward and gave me this huge teddy-bearish hug and I just stood there with both of my arms on my side like I’ve been electrocuted.

      After 7-8 seconds, she released me and said, “Aakansha, what’s wrong?” Poor girl, she thought she did something to invoke my non-participation in the kind gesture. I got alarmed and had to hurriedly do some damage control and this is what I came up with, “No! No! It’s not you it’s me! I’m the one at fault here! I’m sorry!”
      And she gave me a defeated smile and walked away. Turns out, I’m pretty bad at damage control too. *sigh*

      And yeah I too never initiate hugs, although this Brazilian friend of mine rebuked me one day, quite literally as she said hugs have been scientifically proved to make your mood instantly better as it tends to release some kind of ‘make you feel better’ hormone, the same that is released while cuddling.

      Have you ever cuddled? I’ve only cuddled with my pillow. I guess I have no life. πŸ˜›

      *sigh*

      Liked by 3 people

      • My friend wanted to cuddle once for no reason. She was not pleased.
        I’m embarrassingly awkward with physical contact–and damage control after said awkwardness manifests itself on my face and the other person gets offended

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This was a fantastic post! Very informative and extremely well written. My only comment really is that I do the cross armed thing out of insecurity. I am open to conversation and all of that but I feel very insecure at times. It used to be much worse, but after 47 years I have learned to ease up on the insecurity. There are definitely still times when I find myself doing it, and the knowledge that it is a hug for myself just blew my ever loving mind reading this just now. Makes complete sense to me. Thank you for such a great post!

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is so honest of you to accept that you do the cross armed thing out of insecurity, most people don’t even realize it.
      I’m glad you’re overcoming it, but I think there’s no harm in a warm hug if it makes you feel better. πŸ™‚

      I’m glad you found something informative here and I too got a little extra attentive when she explained the ‘self-hug’ phenomenon. It just made so much sense!

      Thank you for that comment Robert, I always await them. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m a bit weird – sometimes all I want to do is hug, other times if someone so much as touches me I feel like I’m burning up from the inside.

    One thing I never understood the appeal of was french kissing – I mean it’s just gross and not at all sexy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think that makes you a normal human being. Because each one of us has good and bad days, I think our mood to hug or not depends a lot on that. Haha!

      French kissing. Hahahaahha, I’ve not yet had my first kiss so I’m not qualified to say anything on that I guess. Though I loved the fact you brought it to attention! πŸ˜€

      Like

  5. Hey there, writer.
    I have this best friend who means the world to me and she has the same problem with hugs.
    She tells me all the time that she’s not very fond of hugs and that she believes more in contentious conversation than bodily touch but at the same time, she hugs me all the time. Not out of the blue, not awkwardly, but when we meet and before we leave.
    I still don’t know what it means to her but for me her hugs mean the world only by the fact that I’m one of the privileged few who get these hugs.

    Why, do you ask, these hugs are important?
    Well, no matter how grim or interesting the conversation becomes, before we part our ways, not everything can be put in words, not everything can be expressed through vocabulary. Hence you take the help of touch, be it a kiss or a hug, which gives you a sensation, a feeling of warmth that you can feel, unlike words that you can only reminisce.
    Hence, the touch.

    Like

    • Your best friend seems like a wonderful person you know. And since you’re one of the privileged few who get these treats, I’m presuming you yourself are a wonderful human being.

      But more importantly what matters is the fact that you both share a bond that only gets stronger with time. A hug, kiss, LETTER, gift are nothing but extra gestures of love and the necessary parameter should only and only be insurmountable love and affection for each other.

      πŸ™‚

      Like

  6. No chick-flick moment.

    I’m sure you know where that is from heh. But anyway, I find hugs awkward as well with friends and even family BUT not a lover. For some reason, I can’t find comfort in hugging family lol. I think it’s mostly due to the fact that we just don’t do that and I’ve been raised to live without hugs and only saw it as an act of affection which one should only display to another individual whom you’ve got great affection for.

    Saw the comment on kissing and I just wanna put it out here. Kissing as a greeting is awkward for me as well. During my time in Europe, I was greeted that way and I saw the eyes of Medusa for a few seconds lol. But when kissing a lover though, be it on the cheeks or French kissing for pleasure or display of affection, it just feels nice and right.
    French kissing might get a little… For a lack of a better word, messy, at first but really, in my experience, aside from being sexy, it can be a beautiful experience as well. You can make-out for quite AWHILE because it is just feels nice locking lips and all. You’d get this sense of closeness, indescribable connection, security and affection or love during the act (Believe it or not, even without everything going sexual. Just make-out for “Love”) and frankly speaking, it’s mostly what we human beings seek from our “Spouse”, no? πŸ˜‰

    Glad to see that you’re still blogging btw. Keep up the good work!

    Your pal,
    David Long

    Liked by 1 person

    • The intensity of ‘hug-awkwardness’ increases thrice when it comes to family. Lol. I don’t think I’ve EVER hugged my mom. Some people might think that’s sad but just like you said, my family too has never done that.

      Oh and SUPERNATTURALLLL! Yaay. :’D

      Liked by 1 person

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