Love or Arranged ..or both?


Aaaah, the big topic of discussion in the ‘don’t disturb, we’re talking about something very important’ sleepover of girls. The one topic where the Indian parents stand on one side and the children on one and BEHOLD- THE GREAT INDIAN DEBATE. 

Coming from a regular Indian ‘cliche’ family, it is understandable and blatant for people to infer that I’d be married away to a strange man in a far off distant land, where I’ll beget babies and ride on magic carpets (maybe do a Bollywood dance number?)

Our traditions have been this way since many years and I don’t blame any foreign person at all for stepping in our country with that notion in mind.

When I realized the concept of arranged marriages I found myself in deep astonishment.
Parent’s find a good boy-consider his job, family, background-BOOM you’re married.
And the little GOD OF QUESTIONS that resides very comfortably inside me wondered, “Wait does that make any sense?”

Before I present my own views on this topic, let me pull out some statistical data.

The divorce rates in love marriages is 40-50% while that in arranged marriage is only 4%. Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein conducted a thorough study on this concept and deduced that in an arranged marriage, the love and respect goes on increasing and the bond strengthens twice as much. Whereas love marriages are usually proceeded keeping in mind the physical attractions and ‘in the moment’ decisions are made.
For more READ HERE.

The concept of arranged marriage is more pragmatic and partners are decided not JUST on the basis of love, but other equally important compatibility factors like- values, morale, family, life-goals, personality. Thus, arranged marriages never lose their charm as there is always a sense of spontaneity.

Whereas if love marriages also work just fine-they can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. They can be more thrilling as the partners already know each other to the core, so there less chance of unhealthy surprises.

Earlier, I had a different take on arranged marriage;a more reproachable and condemning one. But when I saw three of my cousins happily married with the kind of husbands any girl would ask for, it made me think twice.

And whenever I see them, I never find the absence of love, it is ubiquitous.

My take is-
It depends on the person and not the TYPE of marriage to deduce its success.Both the kind of marriages have their pros and cons but it depends a whole lot on how much both the partners are willing to put in the effort.

After all, both the traditions involve the commitment of two mature people ready to start on a new life together regardless of the WAY they meet or the WAY they’re married, isn’t it?

You can blame anything or anyone for a failed marriage to make yourself feel better, you can consult statistics, therapist, doctors, ‘relationship-experts’ but somewhere inside you know there was something lacking, some vital part both or one of the partners were not willing  to expose that led to the ultimate detachment.

No statistics, science, technology, religion or rituals will ever guarantee your strength or tenure of a married life.

The matters of the heart are seldom understood by the brain.
If you are willing to put forward everything and make it work-you will, regardless of the WAY you meet your soul-mate.  


18 thoughts on “Love or Arranged ..or both?

  1. It sounds to me like you’ve come up with a workable solution for yourself, and that’s what everyone should do, come up with a solution that works for them, and of course, for the “apple of their eye” if I may use such a cornball phrase in relation to such a serious topic. Whatever ensures the happiness, and the well-being of the interested parties, for as long as they both shall live, has my full and complete endorsement. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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