-The 14 year old me stands beside an ice-cream truck, relishing each and every stroke of the smooth tantalizing chocolate fudge; giving me a temporary relief from the heat. I’m discussing about the upcoming Biology exam when a large convoy of huge trucks pass us by. I get distracted by the sound and see them heading towards the highway. I stare at them until they vanish in the bent.
I forget about it- I’m 14, seriously what did you expect?
-I’m 15 and I stand next to my mother in the parent-teacher meet. I’m focusing on the critical mistakes in my term paper when a majestic man, wearing his army uniform in full glory, all festooned with various shining medals and badges enters my class, followed by my classmate. I mentally give him a standing ovation.
-I’m 16 and I’m sitting in a cafe and I hear giggles somewhere afar. I glance up and see these two little adorable girls being led by their father who was wearing his army uniform, the two girls fight over who’s gonna order and who’s going to ‘spoon-feed’ their daddy ice-cream as I sit and watch that beautiful family.
-The 18 year old me drives to college and gives pass to an Army truck; laden with handsome army men, their gaze eerily affixed on the road, all mature and dark.
Somewhere inside my heart aches for their families and I take a mental note I’d never marry an Army man. I confess that this decision is for my own selfish being; my respect for army men cannot be fathomed. I get crippled in fear thinking that while I’m here ranting on WordPress there is a man on the border putting his life at stake and I cannot even think of the fears that reside in his wife’s/sister’s/mother’s/other relative’s heart.
I admit, I’m a coward. I’m very very timid and meager and selfish and hate myself for running away from the pain and choosing oblivion over it. I’d rather stay away from an army man than enjoy his company because I’m very sensitive when it comes to my close ones and the dubiousness that exists when it comes to their survival in the relation is going to eat me up.
Plainly stating, why I’d never marry or get extremely close to a military man is that even though there are thousands of females who are bravely living with the fear of loosing their loved ones, I’m not one of them, I won’t be able to bear the distance, the feel that we’re miles apart.
Having long distance is one thing and having long distance with the life of the other partner at stake is a completely different scenario. I don’t know how other women handle it, the constant fear that their other significant self might not return someday. I shiver at the thought. I’ve always admired these men in shining armor and their reunions with their families fills my heart with so much pain and love. It’s an absolute felicity to watch two souls who’ve craved for each other so long.
I could never do that. I don’t have that strength. If in any case I happen to get acquainted with a military man I’d either join the army myself and accompany him to the border or make him quit his job, as simple as that-again I admit, that’s downright selfish. And so I pray I never fall in love or get emotionally close to any military man because they’re the purest form of selflessness and love and again I say, I’m a chicken, I have a weakness for love and I cannot do anything about it other than running away from it and hoping not to ever face it in my life.
I had planned on posting this on Veteran’s Day but couldn’t do so.
So this for all those brave men out there, armies of every country, soldiers of any race, the very form of courage, valor and humanity, those who’re standing tall and serving without expectations, the very portrait of sheer patriotism- we respect and love you equally.
A wholehearted Thank You to you glorified beings for existing and taking the vow to protect us and your motherland.