I’ve been observing myself for a long time. That’s right, apart from keenly noting and reading the activities and people around me, I happen to observe myself too (talk about free time). How I react to stimuli, peer pressure, a ‘not-so-funny-yet-I-manage-a-smile-so-I-don’t-look-rude’ joke, curiosity, exasperation and every other minuscule form of emotions that exist within me. And sometimes, when I react out of the ordinary I question myself, ‘Why’d I do that?’ Although I don’t sit and brood over it but it happens to retain in my head for a considerable amount of time.
One such thing I found within me is ‘Possessiveness’.
1. of or relating to possession or ownership
2. having or showing an excessive desire to possess, control, or dominate
When I say I’m ‘possessive’ I don’t mean that I go ninja in the middle of the night wearing a black suit and stalk my beloved ones in their bedrooms to check if they’re breathing. Possessive behavior has various applications in real life. It can be linked with men, material and sometimes intangible things as well. It is a feeling of ‘possession’ we get after having ‘acquired’ that thing/person we wanted so bad.
It becomes rather tricky, that when we talk of material things-car, house, furniture we have no hesitation in claiming them to be ours and it is socially acceptable. But when we talk of relations it becomes very dangerous. It’s natural, everyone will think of you as a creep and take 5 steps away from you if you’re constantly nagging them. Possessiveness illustrates your psyche of having complete dominance over that other person. You try to take control, maybe your intentions are good, but they end up distorting everything, and people misapprehend your purpose.
‘Over-possessiveness’ in a relation can be gravely dangerous. It literally destroys bonds and sometimes leads to violence. People commit severe crimes out of pure vengeance and the ‘fear’ that the person they think they hold full responsibility and control of is slipping from their grasp. This leads to breaches between people. This kind of a behavior also doesn’t speak very well of the person himself. It signifies their weakness for the significant other and that weakness sometimes takes dangerous forms.
It often brands you as a ‘creep or ‘freak’ or ‘stalker’ yada yada yada. Plus, your intuition starts sending warning signals for you to back off and find a safe and free ground.
But what I feel is that a little possessiveness is also essential to build a healthy relation. It gives you the notion that you’re actually cared for, by someone. No girl would like it if her spouse doesn’t bother or is completely okay with her going to the club late at night, she’d end up harboring the notion that he doesn’t care and vice-versa.
As for me, I sometimes don’t like when I see my best friend having a great time with someone else (she’s supposed to have a great time with me!) But then I think I don’t own her, she can spend time with anyone she wants to. Same goes for books as well, although I get pretty sparky when people read my choice of books and I get to discuss it with them but in all honesty somewhere inside it buggs me to know that I had to share that story with someone else.
People often confuse being possessive with jealousy, which is a completely different emotion. You are jealous when you wish to take the place of the other person while you are possessive if you wish to take control over the life and desires of other person. Jealousy in boys and girls is different and often confronted in different ways as well, which I think is unfair to boys and quite funny as well. 😛
The term ‘obsession’ can also be interpreted here. You’re OBSESSED when you develop an intense fondness for that person/movie/song/book/game etc. You don’t have a feeling of owning it or taking its place. In simple terms, you can’t get enough of it. It has nothing to do with being possessive or jealous of it. You don’t demand it’s total possession or love. (Sometimes you do ..aah it’s tricky.)
The point is, even though a little acquisitiveness is necessary to build the foundation of a strong bond, the same however if implied in large quantities may harm your relation and weaken its roots. There should be a proper balance, a well measured proportion between freedom and possession. Heard the common saying ‘Excess of everything is bad’, the same applies here as well. It’s an important emotion to bind people, but it can break them too.
Have fun, relax and take the deal lightly and blissfully instead of transforming it into a forbidden love story with a single distraught lover. 😛
And the same goes for people like me-It’s okay, it’s just a frigging book or a song-it was viewed and listened to by millions of people-deal with it. 😛
Brusque Note: Did anyone watch Interstellar? If not, then go and watch it. It’s frigging brilliant! I think I might be getting OBSESSED with it! 😛