Understanding an Introvert; Part-I

introvert noun ɪntrəvəːt/  1. a shy, reticent person.
You see, life as an introvert is not as easy and ‘simple’ as you think. People have various fascinating and sometimes hurtful perceptions about an introvert. Like in some way it is a ‘bad’ thing to be quiet and shy. So this post is for all my fellow introverts out there- you guys rule.
introvert
My 20 years as an introvert brought up several types of opinions about me. Some were good, some bad, some reckless, either way people always look at you differently. My experiences have been rather dicey when it comes to people forming an opinion about me. Some people love me on first meet, some hate me on the first sight, some don’t give a crap
And despite all the spiteful judgement people form for introverts, I’ve always been fascinated by them-their thought process when they see a quiet girl entering a subway and reading a book or listening to music, ignoring everyone around.
I’m not kidding, I’ve really experienced all this in high-school and am still experiencing it in college. People often call you ‘fake’ which is a very common term high-schoolers use to brand someone as ‘not very High-Schooly’ or if someone is too kind. Introverts are usually happy being alone, they’re often bored in groups but they never get bored of being with themselves.
‘ALONE’ doesn’t feel very inhospitable to them.They might sit in a group of friends and have fun, but somewhere in their mind they’ll fantasize about the moment they’ll be alone with their book or coffee or anything they are particularly attached with, which is most of the time an object or something that exists only in their mind. We don’t mind staying indoors while others are out partying. You might say-“Get a life!” Guess what? ‘We ARE getting a life.’

It’s creepy how precise this picture is. 😛

What people do is that they mistake our silence with oblivion. They don’t understand the fact that just because we’re quiet doesn’t mean we’re not listening. We observe everything around us. YES, we KNOW when people whisper stuff about us along with scanning us top to bottom with their eye balls.

What you normal people should know is that just because we have trouble initiating conversation with people doesn’t mean we’re rude goblins with a rotten apple for a heart and we sure as hell don’t think of ourselves as ‘above’ everyone else. Most of the time, it’s the exact opposite. And from my own personal view, introverts are usually very kind people, we won’t fire a bullet in the center of your forehead when you talk to us. If you talk to us, we’ll reply-like normal people do-No Big Deal.

Our amount of talk usually depends on our level of comfort with the other person. We can’t tolerate to be around people we can’t stand, again that’s pretty normal.


 A girl in my college sat next to me once and she kept rambling on and on and on and wouldn’t stop and when she observed (finally) that I hadn’t said a word between her chatter for about 20 minutes she said, “Don’t you like to talk?”  Honestly, she kinda caught me off guard, it was very brusque- I didn’t know what to respond. So I shrugged and stuttered some muffled words; eventually she left.

 

One thing about us introverts-we have a lot of trouble trusting people, another valid reason we prefer being to ourselves. We have trouble expressing our feelings, that is why we project it in some way. As for me, it is through writing. I mostly write about my thoughts, my emotions, my frustration or maybe some prosaic observation.

We like to sit and observe. Observe how beautiful the clouds look today, how soothing the wind is, softly caressing our skin. We mute the entire world and just sit and see-and we LIKE that.So I hope when you normal people read this you muster up the courage to talk to that guy who usually sits alone in the cafeteria or the girl who’s seen in the library in the recess. We’re shy, we’re dreamers, we’re cogitative, observers, lovable, thoughtful and of course, quiet.
Try us, we’re not that bad-actually don’t, leave us alone.
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64 thoughts on “Understanding an Introvert; Part-I

  1. Ah even though I call myself an introvert, I’m contrary on some things, like the attitude towards being alone. I find myself bored when alone, unless I’m building something. I usually get bored when nothing special is happening, and typically people break the boredom. Also, I’m sure I’d appreciate staying in for the night if enough things happened regularly to make me want to not experience them, like a day at school.

    But the last paragraphs, yes sitting and watching the weather is so peaceful. But for me, doing it with one other person of the other gender would be 5 times better.

    Like

    • I really really don’t like finding myself in a group of more than 3 people though, unless its my two bestest friends ever, Atherz098 and Atherz096.

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    • There are different kinds of introverts you know. You like spending time both with people and yourself. 🙂 My level of introvert-ness is ‘Complicated.’ Even I find it hard to describe myself sometimes. Ugh!

      But let’s just say that the bottom line of this post can be that quiet people are sometimes misinterpreted. 😛

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh yes, I misinterpret myself sometimes, but at least I know myself 500x more than people do. 🙂 I’m not really around the Complicated range, but I am so much more deeper than what I expose in real life. :/

        Liked by 1 person

          • Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure that no other human on this Earth will be able to completely understand us, not even spouses. It’s about whoever is able to handle that small percentage of us without imploding 😀

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            • There! You just framed it in words. 😀
              Thank you and you’re so right. 😛 And I wonder if even that 1% is gonna turn them retarded. Lol.

              I just remembered something you know, this guy I had a hopeless crush on said it to me once, “You’re just so hard to unravel” (in a very very negative way).

              In my mind I said, “Yeah, tell me about it.”

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes yes yes. I have been called a variety of harsh names simply because I’m not vocal or bouncy or whatever. Even though aren’t the slightest bit true.
    You must search and watch Susan Cain’s “The Power of Introverts” TED talk. I think you are going to completely relate to it.

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    • It sucks doesn’t it? But what is truly fascinating is the zero amount by which this tussle bothers us. 😛
      People talk, we might as well let them.

      I’ll surely check it out. Thank you so much! 😀

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    • Kassie, I was in awe on how much I could relate to everything Susan said. It’s like finally someone put my thoughts to words. I agreed on how we should sometimes learn to spend time with ourselves. Till now, although I didn’t admit, in my mind I was always confused over the kind of person I was. IF I was really an introvert, why’d I sometimes go for dinner or lunch with people-she gave me the answer today.

      Introverts too go out with people and have fun, but we get drained out and need some alone time to re-energize ourselves. And people often mistake this for rudeness. And I can completely concur that I’m always hesitant and uncomfortable in huge gatherings and parties-be it birthday parties weddings or anniversary or basically any place where I’ve to be in a group of people-and mostly I sit quietly observing, unless there’s an annoying cousin/friend/relative blabbering on my head.

      Thank you for telling me about this TED talk, I’m surprised how I missed it.

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      • I’m glad you enjoyed it! I was so surprised that after 20 years of struggling with it, it took 20 minutes for it to become pretty clear to me. I love people and have great relationships, but that doesn’t mean I want constant interaction. This has often been mistaken for shy, which really isn’t it at all. I’m not shy, I just prefer not to insert myself into a conversation unless I have something valuable to contribute. I’m so glad to have a blogging friend that understands this so well!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ohhh don’t even get me started on this stuff. I spent most of my high school years forcing myself to be an extrovert and compensating horribly (and unnecessarily). It was after high school that I got completely adjusted in my own skin. As far as company and conversation goes, it’s quality over quantity every single time. You shouldn’t change anything, at ALL. If people think it’s ‘attitude’, let them. Nothin wrong with a bit of that anyway.

    Loved this post! Made me smile like anything! 🙂

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  4. The one thing people get confused about is the difference between being an introvert and being shy.

    Its all about energy; Extroverts get energy from groups and spending time with people. Whereas introverts need time alone to re-energize as their energy is drained from spending time with people. Simples! 🙂

    I am 100% introverted but I can still act like an extrovert when necessary.

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  5. Introvert and extrovert? Ummmm… Sounds like nobody completely stick on to anyone of this category, although it depends upon the way you handle yourself. Of course, it was a very nice read. Let me ask you this, Aakansha. Do you ever think that it does matter when a second party stares at you and calls you kinda weird names for being who you’re? It’s you, uh? Why should people like you restrict yourself or change yourself for others? It’s a kind of fault doing to yourself, uh?

    – Rahul

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, point well stated. But let me explain it to you that there are basically three kinds when we’re speaking about this issue.

      1) Introverts.
      2)Extroverts.
      3) Ambiverts

      The reason that I stated the above three is that there are people who’re confused about their demeanor, and they are usually ambiverts and for me, those kind of people have the best of both worlds.

      You can listen to this TED Talk called ‘The Power of Introverts’ by Susan Cain as very graciously shared by my friend Kassie, you’ll understand us better. 🙂

      Of course it doesn’t matter when people give you quick or sometimes awkwardly long stares, but I just wanted to point people out that us introverts are not ignorant. People should stop misjudging us as rude.

      It doesn’t bother us, and I don’t reckon me saying anything even remotely close to ‘changing myself’. I can never transform my persona for the preferences of somebody else.

      The purpose of this post was to remind all the secluded, sordid souls that they’re special and they mustn’t doubt their existence, although I already know they don’t. That’s all. 🙂

      Like

      • That’s something really really interesting, Ms. Introvert. You’ve a lot of vigilant thoughts on yourself to describe you. At least you know how you’re and I doubt how many people among us have had a examination on themselves for knowing who they’re actually. 🙂 Happy weekend. Stay blessed.

        – Rahul

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I think we’re all complex beings and it’s hard to restrict ourselves or even just describe who we are, because we’re constantly changing and evolving. I consider myself an introvert and I’m perfectly fine with that. Most people don’t understand it and they can be judgemental, but that’s ok. I don’t feel the need to explain myself. That being said, I also greatly enjoy being around family and friends. They’re completely different experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’ve summed us up wonderfully here. The nice thing is that, as painful as being an introvert can be in youth, I have found that I embrace it now that I’m older. I take comfort in the “retreat” after being out and about in the world. Great writing, keep it up! Best, Karen 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words. And yes, being an ‘introvert’ in a generation as social as this, it’s kind of a tough job. It’s like everything contrary to not being ‘extroverted’ is termed as ‘geek’ or ‘rude’.

      I can also share I’ve embraced myself and my disposition and I’m happy you did it too.

      Thank you so much for reading. 🙂

      Like

  8. Well..you seem to have covered everything an introvert would want to say. It’s so annoying isn’t it when you have to explain why you don’t talk much or why you stay alone most of the time. I think we should transmit some kind of message to everyone something like what John Galt does in Atlas Shrugged.
    A straight forward message that will get into everyone’s head about why we are the we are.

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  9. Love your post! I’m not just an introvert but I’m an INTJ. That’s the most rare of the personality types forming just .02 percent of the world. I am what you would call a person who would rather be alone than with others but if I’m comfortable in a certain situation, then I’ll interact. I don’t know if you’re interested in seeing your personality type but here’s the test that I took. It was really interesting to see my results. It nailed me exactly! http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

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      • *High5back* I guess! That’s cool! Did you agree with the results and what it said about your (I should now probably say our) results? There were like 6 pages of how we deal with certain situations, what we’re good at, and of course the negatives.

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        • Yes absolutely. They were correct and to the point!
          And would it be completely selfish of me to say I felt a little special to be an INTJ? Because the website stated that we comprise around 4% population of the earth, I reckon.

          So yaay Us! 😛

          Like

          • I know! I had the same thought! We’re kind of special!
            I saw that you followed both of my blogs!! I actually just updated the music reviews one so you can check that one out. I really like the theme that I did on that one. You agree?

            Talk later! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  10. You know, your blog is totally relatable. Now I know that I’m an ambivert. As you said in any function I too just sit there all alone and observe people. And then the comments of relatives “Why so serious ?” “Why don’t you talk to anyone ?” In my mind I said “I like to observe and deduce how many ‘Rasgullas’ you have eaten so far ? Like Sherlock Holmes.”

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    • Lol. Hahahahaha! 😀 XD

      Thank you so much Sid. 🙂

      I too do that. Just sit back and watch people doing their random ‘make-believe’. 😛 And another thing, next time you go to a boring wedding (weddings are always boring, duh?) concentrate on the girls that are clicking pictures and notice their expressions.

      You would jump off a cliff, but it’s funny as well. 😛
      Try it. XD

      Like

  11. I totally like TOTALLY get what you are saying. I too am an introvert. And I have verbal diarrhea. I can write or text the person what I want to say but it’s pretty hard for me to approach that person and talk to him/her physically.
    I express my emotions by writing and clicking pictures. The last paragraph is just so true. ACTUALLY the whole of it seems right (at least for me).
    High five! I guess I’ve found myself a twin. 😛
    Keep blogging! 🙂
    Oh and BTW you have a new follower! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol. It’s wonderful to find my twins in the virtual world. It’s sort of amusing to see so many people relating to this particular article. I’m in a rush now, but I’ll visit your blog too.
      Thank you so much for reading my friend! 🙂

      Like

      • hahaha. I know. 😛
        When you think you are alone, in reality you are not. There are others like you. Not exactly the same but yes somewhat like you. 🙂
        No problems.
        It was my pleasure. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  12. AaKansha this is an extrovertly written post! By that I mean it is loud, clear, huge and articulately expressed. Proving that introverts are very wise and have a lot to say – but they say it from a comfortable place. Your blog is your very comfortable armchair where you feel relaxed yet vocal. Thank you for answering all the questions I constantly asked myself when people would say quite rudely (so that I could hear!) “I don’t like quiet people. You can’t trust them”. I am introvert and it’s ok to be introvert. I’m not weird or a freak or “untrustworthy”. Proud to be introverted since reading your post – well done!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much. So you’re an introvert too, hun? I’ve noticed something, most of the people who blog are introverts. And the reason why they took to blogging is the same as you mentioned, they need a way to bring out those emotions and the things bottled up inside them.

      People often misinterpret us, think we’re arrogant or snobbish in some way. They consciously take our quietness for condescending behavior, which I believe is wrong. This has happened with me on such a traumatic level that I needed to write this for all of us fellow introverts.

      And I personally believe, quiet people are better at things. Both material and personal relationships, because we tend to listen and observe more rather than always yapping about everything.
      As a fellow introvert, you have my friendship Marie.

      I’m glad you could relate to this post. :’)

      Like

      • Dearest AaKansha – you cannot see me, but I am NODDING furiously to everything you have said. You have taken the words right out of my mouth. Incidentally, I’m not sure “furiously” is the right word there, but I can’t engage my brain to think of the most accurate word to use at the moment. lol. I remember being much younger and being asked: “why don’t you say something?” “you are so quiet” “why don’t you open your big mouth and say something” (my mum to me). I would feel so bad about myself, I would want to die. I hated myself for being “quiet” and not being able to start a conversation or join one or even feel comfortable around people. But being quiet isn’t a sin nor is it a crime. It is still something I worry about constantly, but being much older now, it doesn’t seem quite as a big a issue for me as it was when I was a child/teenager/young adult. When you are young you don’t quite know how to defend yourself from what I (now) deem as bullying behaviour. If people were that concerned about you not participating in a conversation they would gently engage you by talking to you, not by trying to make you feel self-conscious, as if there was something wrong with you.

        I’m not sure if I was born an introvert or if I’ve had it thrust upon me. Like dbp49 below, I suffered from abuse and being battered from a baby, so it is difficult to relate to people without being fearful of them. I suffer from PTSD and chronic anxiety, as a result I guess. But you know what, it’s happened and there is very little I can do to eradicate the past. However, knowing that there are other people out there who feel and think the way I do, makes me feel that little bit more comfortable and accepting of who I am.

        And so, thank you for your friendship and you have mine. I’m glad I’ve found you – I’m so fortunate!

        Liked by 1 person

        • You have all my love and support Marie. We can always escape the past and emerge as more successful and happy. People have a habit of judging anything they find unique. The extroverts will always find introverts different, but I think we both know how tremendously introverts have contributed to the society.
          Although unlike you, I’ve never doubted myself for being the quieter one. In fact I think I gravitated a lot of attention because I was quiet, and as a matter of fact, I still do. But I’d like to confess, just like any other normal human being would, I only conversed with the kind of people I think I could be comfortable with.

          I was very reluctant towards the society. As in I seldom cared if anyone got offended because I wasn’t eager enough to talk to them. I think it’s my life and I get to choose the people I want to interact with.

          Please have faith and I’m glad you came out of your dilemma and like I said, emerged in flying colors, like a soaring eagle. Whoever and wherever you are, you have all my love and friendship and yes, I shall check out that post soon . 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  13. And of course I am neither Introverted nor extroverted. I WAS born shy, but that never had a chance to develop into anything before constant daily beatings and psychological terror completely destroyed any capacity I may ever have had to socialize at any intimate level with anyone ever. Add to that three attempts on my life before I reached the age of 10, and no treatment for PTSD until I was in my 40’s or early 50’s, and you have a true case of a human being who can basically only socialize by Blogging, or keeping all other interactions completely business-like and avoiding any and all attempts at intimacy. Do I like my own company? Yes I do. Do I like my interactions with other Bloggers? I do with you, and with approximately 25 others, a number you can verify by looking at the number of likes on my posts which is almost always constant, and contains almost always the same names. Cool? I don’t know. But it’s my life, and it’s more than I had before I started blogging, and so I thank each of you guys for your part in it. Read you later. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  14. … also! Forgot to mention: if you go on to my blog, and scroll down to Blogs I Follow and click on to Butterfly Mind – this person has written a post on being an introvert and it is so interesting. I think you’ll find it resonates with you as much as it did with me. When you have a moment please read it and let me know what you think, friend! :)))

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thanks for the marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you might be a great author.

    I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will often come back
    at some point. I want to encourage you continue your great posts,
    have a nice evening!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hi Aakansha, you don’t know how true this is. As a fellow introvert, I could relate with EACH and EVERY line of this post! It often irks me how some people don’t ubderstand the difference between not wanting to speak and not liking to speak. You were so apt on it, sot on! Great post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: Introvert- What is it like to be one. Part-II | Brooding In The Tepid Dusk.

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