Adulthood: Please Stay Far Away

Okay, I turned 18 like 6 months back, but today as I was going through one of my sudden bursts of cogitation, I realized that I hadn’t written anything about how freaked out I was when the clock struck 12:00 on the night of 10th of April. Even when I was 12 or 13, 14, 15 I freaked out every single year thinking I’m one step closer to ‘being responsible.’ I understand that no one likes to age, but my fear doesn’t lie in the fact that I’ll have wrinkles on my skin but that I’m not ready for THIS.

I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP. PERIOD. I get so terrified even on the slightest thought of taking care of a family. I can’t even take care of myself let alone a family. Ugh!
God. I want to be a kid. Forever. I want to be reckless. I want to go to school, come back, go to play, finish my homework and go to sleep. It’s funny how when I was young I couldn’t wait to grow up. It’s even funnier how now I would give anything to be 10 again.

 I KNOW, RIGHT?

I remember the night of my 18th birthday; my elder brother succeeded in making things worse and heightening my paranoia, “You’re 18 now, you’re an adult-YOU’RE NO MORE A KID. Muaahahahahahah”

Whenever I catch myself thinking about what I’d do and where I will be in 5-10 years, I take that picture off my head and throw it as far away as possible, but it still remains in the far corner of my mind like a ghost hovering above me, ready to swallow me down. I don’t mean to be rude. But unfortunately, I’m not counted in the “OMG, I can’t want to get married” kind of girls. Of course everyone has their own sweet choices. But as for me, nothing scares me more than my future (and a cockroach).

I think a lot. I think so much and then get so worried. It’s like this hysteria of freaking out. Whether or not I’ll get a good job, or if I’ll be able to achieve all that I aspire. I’m scared if I wont be the same person I am today. Maybe age will change me. Make me an ADULT. I won’t be able to scream out of happiness. Or maybe laugh my heart out for silly things-like the present day. What if I don’t get excited when I get a new toothbrush. (Yes, I love my toothbrush-deal with it).

I know it’s not that bad. Growing up has it’s own perks. But I don’t want to travel alone, or eat alone or go home from work .. Alone. What if I don’t get the same kind of amazing friends I have now. We’re in college and we’ve already traded our separate ways. Not that we haven’t been in touch. But ambitions have taken over the better part of us.

I want time to slow down. It’s October and in 2 months we’ll have a new year, 2015. I mean ’14 JUST started right? Does it happen with everyone? I wonder if time pranks us and moves at a faster pace after a certain age. I want someone to not tell me but assure me that it will be all right. I’ll make it through. Everybody does. *Sigh*

Anyway, I hope what I think of adulthood isn’t the reality. I can only hope.

Okay. It’s happening again. I’m freaking out.

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11 thoughts on “Adulthood: Please Stay Far Away

  1. I used to have these thoughts about how terrible being an adult would be. I mean, I’d be on my own and forced to choose a direction. However, something happened. I started to WANT to be independant and mature. I can’t explain it, but my motives totally changed. As for a career, that’s still iffy, but adulthood doesn’t sound too awful.

    I could bet money that’ll all change when I turn 18 though. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • Then I guess that’s a commendable achievement and for it, dear sir, I envy you.

      I’m older than you and scared to grow up while you’re out there like a knight in shining armor protecting the universe from evil. (too much-I know). 😛

      I’ll try to hold on to that thought. Adulthood-Not That Bad. -,-

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  2. Why you said sometimes people come with a purpose to your blog? 😀
    yaa you write well and seems someone who enjoys every minute of your teenage.Do that unfortunately there is no time machine which can get back to childhood.

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    • Aaha! I wish there WAS a time machine that could help me out. Ugh! I do try too much hard to enjoy my teenage. 😛 If only things were better. But hey, it’s not THAT bad you know.
      Thank you for the writing thing and thanks for reading 😀
      Take care.
      Aakansha.

      Like

  3. Well if your next few years go anything like mine, it probably won’t get toooo much better. Haha. Honestly, at 20, I’m so much more independent than I was before, mostly because I moved so far away from home. I still call home all the time. I make my mom walk me through every single thing, like checking my car oil, and figuring out how to pay a cable bill. These things are all so weird and scary, but eventually you’ve done them all and before you know it, you are more grown-up than you knew possible. The hardest part for me is going grocery shopping. I took it for granted having full cabinets of groceries and ingredients. I still curl up and let my mom play with my hair when I go home though. I think all that stuff come in time. But gosh I wish I could be 6 again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know I sometimes wish I was 25, with all my life figured out, or 6 with nothing to worry about. This mid-life crisis sucks. Ugh.
      Growing up scares me to death. Seeing all these ‘adults’ behave like ‘adults’ like what if I don’t want to be like that?

      What if I still like to laugh hysterically without paying any heed to the fact that I might look ..well..’not so lady-like’. -___-

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      • Haha, remember when you were young, and you looked up at people who were 18 and they seemed so old and mature and grown-up and graceful? And now that your 18 you don’t feel that way at all? I think that’s how it is for everyone of all ages. People who are older than you seem to have it all figured out. But I don’t think anyone ever does figure it out. We all still have a little kid in our hearts.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes! I very vividly remember. I was in middle-school and saw all these really ‘cool’ seniors hanging out and having drinks while I was forced to stand in a queue and go back to class.

          I used to wonder that they have all the freedom, they have their own rides, their parents don’t drive them off.
          And they don’t have to listen to adults hovering above their head all the time.

          Little did I know they themselves were confined in these invisible shackles of society and ‘making something out of your life’ ESPECIALLY when in most of the cases you’re forced to pursue a career you’re least interested in.

          At least in middle-school, you didn’t have anything else to worry about other than homework and candies.

          Liked by 1 person

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