Sorry Mom, No Hugs.

Please don’t turn bitter towards me and start despising me and contemplate to strangle me in my sleep. I have some very understandable reasons (or at least I think I have) for choosing the above title.

So today while I sat alone in a far corner of my college campus, which I usually do as I love seclusion and I don’t really have any friends (I’m not a bad person, but I’m an introvert) which is very ironic since I had a swarm of friends at school. But only because I have troubles initiating conversation with people I don’t know,  most of the time I prefer and I’m seen sitting alone under a tree on the far south side of the main building.

So while I was busy planning how totally amazing my Dussehra holidays are going to be since my friends will be back from other cities, I overheard two girls talking as they passed me by “I told everything that happened to mom, and she hugged me and said it’s okay” said the shorter one. “Really? My mom too-in fact she held my hand and said she’s with me always” said the slightly taller one with ridiculously long hair.

I glanced a look at them and as their conversation quickly changed to how delicious Aloo ka paratha is and as they fluttered back to the main campus for class, I wondered what its like to share. How could they NOT feel awkward? Over 80% of the girls usually share everything with their mom, as a sign of affection or as a sign of trust-whatever the reason may be I never really understood, but fortunately or unfortunately this has never been my case.

I’m an adult now (only by age and numerical terms-otherwise, trust me, I’m a total goofball) yet not once have I had ‘the moment’ with my mom. How can girls share everything with their mums? Isn’t it gawky? When I sit with my mom it’s mostly the fun I had or whose leg I pulled today or how atrociously hideous my life is and she you know just gestures the ‘I understand’ nod and the next thing is I’m on my couch watching the latest season of The Voice (awesome show btw).

Not that she doesn’t care or I don’t care but it has been the same since the beginning. I don’t remember I ever hugged my mom (except when in middle school I had this alarmingly scaring nightmare and wanted to plunge to the first living thing I found near me) let alone kissing. When I was a budding teenager-all quirky and fussy-my mom did try exceptionally hard to make me confide in her, but it just didn’t work.

You see, I have never been a princess or the head of the cheer leading squad with too much gossip to share or too many boys to put on hook, I have always been a skinny jeans and Jimi-Hendrix t-shirt girl, wearing spectacles since the dawn of time, having a ridiculously large number of celebrity crushes and always carrying my fiction in my backpack, so I never really had SOMETHING to share with my mom.

And as time passed my mom was cool with it. I think somewhere inside she knows or as my elder brother says I grew up too fast, so I wont get into any trouble. Not that I don’t appreciate emotional dependence but I have to say I’m better off without it. I love my mom and there’s nothing in this world that can change that, but my way of showing it is different. I don’t necessarily believe in hugging or long awkward ‘I adore you’ stares, but I never let her carry heavy bags or go somewhere by a bus when I’m there at home to drop her off.

I’d like to end here. This issue was in my mind for years and finally it’s out. There isn’t really a conclusion or answer to my situation, but it is what it is.

And yes, I’d like to inform everyone that I won’t be posting anything for at least a week now. Yep, festive season (the Dussehra holidays I mentioned above). Hope you all have a good and blissful week, feel free to get in touch in case you miss me. 🙂

-Aakansha.

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